Have you ever logged on to Facebook one morning only to be confronted with a bunch of images of a friend’s party that you didn’t even know about (A.K.A. a party that you were excluded from)?  It stings.  It makes you feel like you’re “not good enough” or maybe you and the host aren’t as close as you thought.

This is why in last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I was ever-so-impressed that Kyle Richards invited all the housewives to her annual white party, despite the fact that she knew not everyone got along.  It showed class, and was a great reminder that other people are in control of the situations they put themselves in, not us.

Hosting an upcoming party?  This is how you can ensure you don’t break any hearts in the process:

1. For the host who feels pity: Pity is never an excuse to include someone in your event.  Energy is contagious and if they are there and left in the corner alone or worse, if you feel the need to babysit them all night, it ends up making you both feel worse off than you’d feel if they were uninvited altogether.  Events, parties and get-togethers are meant to be celebrations, so when deciding who to invite, be sure to just include those who you want to share this time with.

2. For the host who’s dating around: How tempting it must be to invite all your boys to a party you are hosting.  Chances are you’ll be dressed to the nines, and have your game face on.  Plus it’s a great opportunity for your friends to meet (and therefore judge) the guys you’ve been oogling (and then some) over, But before you go inviting the guys, realize how unfair it is to throw them in that position – especially if they don’t know you’re dating anyone else.  It’s also unfair to you and doesn’t make you look good (you little player, you).  If you’re sort of serious about one, definitely include him, but a party is not the time or place for show and tell.  If one finds out about your party and is offended they weren’t included, you can tell them you thought it was too soon for introductions and didn’t want them to feel pressured to attend.

3. For the host who wants to avoid drama: So-and-s0 not getting along with so-and-so, or one person who dated another party guest are not excuses to exclude someone. In fact, by including all your friends you are showing that you aren’t taking sides and are mature.  People are responsible for themselves.  If they know they’ll feel uncomfortable if X, Y or Z will be there, they can decide not to come and put themselves in that position.  But that’s not your call.  By excluding someone solely because they don’t get along with another, you too are joining in on the drama you’re trying to avoid.

Jen Kirsch is a relationship expert, columnist and blogger. For quick tips and tricks, follow her on Twitter @jen_kirsch. Read her posts every Tuesday on Slice.ca.