You know how when one of your girlfriends does something so horribly annoying, and you immediately run to your partner to complain about her actions?  Looking to him for some advice on how to deal alongside some TLC might seem innocent enough, last week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills provides some other, much-needed insight.

Last week was the first time in the show’s history that I can recall the husbands arguing with one another.  At times I had to look away, and then in the next episode when we see Mauricio trying to make amends with Ken, it just feels very awkward.  Our men love us and want to protect us, but there are certain things you should know before running to your man, to ensure you’re not making the situation worse.

1. Men don’t forget. When you get in a fight with a friend, you’re worked up as ever, but as time goes on you forgive and forget.  The problem with running to your other half each and every time a friend does something that bothers you, is that he only sees one side of the drama (including how emotionally distraught you were as a result). He won’t forget it as easily as you will.  This makes future double dates with your friend something he’ll resent and he likely won’t be on his best behaviour.  That is if you even get him to join you when you’re out with your friend in the first place.

2. Your partner will be biased. When arguing with another female, or with anyone for that matter, it’s hard to see the situation for what it is.  It’s important that you are able to look at your faults in the disagreement and if you go to your partner, he is likely to take your side.  Better to go to a mutual friend who you trust, or another female friend who has no connection to the situation to get honest and constructive feedback.

3. Tell him you don’t want him to get involved. Instead of asking him for advice on how to deal and risking that he’ll bring something up next time he sees the friend you’re arguing with, make sure you tell him you just want him to listen and don’t want his advice before you start venting.  Our partners are there to lend us support when we need it.  Sometimes it helps to just share our frustrations with another; to have a shoulder to cry on.  If he knows in advance you don’t want him to problem solve for you, you can get that TLC you need.  He will be less likely to get emotionally involved in your situation if you’re not asking anything of him.

Jen Kirsch is a relationship expert, columnist and blogger. For quick tips and tricks, follow her on Twitter @jen_kirsch. Read her posts every Tuesday on Slice.ca.