Your guy is your dream man. You love everything about him and how he makes you feel. Though you love him to death, you can’t help but get annoyed that he’s always on his phone when you’re together. So should you tell him how you really feel in hopes that he’ll change his behavior, or should you keep quiet (or passive-aggressively allude to your frustration) out of fear you’ll rock the boat?
Option #1: Train him
Men aren’t mind readers, contrary to popular belief. Your dude might feel so comfortable around you that he has no idea his phone calls during car rides to and from dates, or picking up his texts and emails when you’re at the dinner table even affects you. He chose to be with you likely because he is head-over-heels into you and enjoys your company. Men love not only knowing their women are happy, but keeping them happy. They just don’t often have any clue how to do that.
Next time he gets off of another long-winded call while you’re twiddling your thumbs, bring it up. Change can only occur when someone is aware of the issue. Tell him that you love your car rides together (or whatever the situation is) because they are the perfect opportunity for the two of you to catch up. Say this in a non-threatening, conversational tone instead of giving him a hard time. By making him aware of his behaviour and how it affects you, you can help promote change.
Option #2: Offer a solution
If you bring up a problem, offer a solution. Let him know what will make you happy and be specific so you’re clear. Say something like, “How about when we’re (enter your details here) we stay phone-free except for emergencies?” This request sets out the specifics so there’s no confusion. That is, unless he continues on despite your reasonable requests, in which case the relationship lacks basic respect and you have a larger issue on your hands.
Option #3: Handling work issues
What if it’s always work-related and every call is important? The workday is typically from 9am to 5pm. However, if you’re dating an entrepreneur – whose work likely comes first and foremost – I can somewhat understand how phone calls and the “tying up of loose ends” can seep into your date nights. That being said, you are a part of the relationship too and if his schedule is starting to affect the way you feel, it’s important to mention it. Don’t stop yourself from speaking up out of concern that you’ll come off as a “nagging, selfish girlfriend.”
I’d address this topic and let him know that you look forward to seeing him after the work day, and you see the time spent on the way to wherever you’re going as part of the date. I’m sure him being on the phone while you just sit there doesn’t make you feel very good, and my concern is those negative feelings may shade your date a bit darker, which will end up ruining your time together.
Tell him how it makes you feel and ask if – on days that you guys have a date night planned – if he can try to tie up his loose ends during his work day before he sees you as opposed to making all these calls in your presence.
Jen Kirsch is a relationship expert, columnist and blogger. For quick tips and tricks, follow her on Twitter @jen_kirsch. Read her posts every Tuesday on Slice.ca.
