Dearest RHOV fans: I’m feeling a little emotional. There are only a few more hours with our ladies until we bid them adieu. Luckily, word is they’ll be back on a TV near us before too long. But, since we don’t have all that much time left in season one, let’s just revel in the drama, shall we?
This week, everyone gets along great, holds hands and drink nothing but spring water. Hahaha, okay, sorry, I’m back from opposite land. This week: the Mary-Jody-Mia feud shows no signs of letting up.
There are two main events to cover: Mary’s charity bash and Jody & Mia’s celebratory launch of a new clothing line. Sure, some other minor stuff happens in the background like:
Christina and Mary go to a bar where you paint and drink. (Sounds fun!) They both paint donkeys and Jody.
“It’s difficult to tell one ass from another,” explains queen of the one-liners Christina.
The first batch of Ronnie’s “Rehab” wine arrives and it is no good. Not at all. This results in Ronnie running around her kitchen shrieking and freaking out. Calm son Jhordan promises that a quick re-blend can make it better.
“If the next batch of wine is bad, I am really going to lose it,” Ronnie warns. (Oh, so what we just witnessed was a “fake” losing it? Um. Yikes.)
Reiko is thinking about opening her own health and fitness club with her martial arts trainer.
But the bulk of the episode revolves around Mary’s charity event and Jody & Mia’s fashion show/launch of Mia’s clothing line. So let me break it down for you:
The Fashion Show
The prep for the fashion show includes some rambling from a practically incoherent Mia about trying to take the bus and chasing the bus and yelling at the bus and something else about the bus. (It’s actually quite amusing. Thanks for the laugh Mia.)
We then learn that the big show is almost nigh! It’s Mia’s chance to shine and shine she better since Jody is forking out a lot of cash for the event.
“Mia has a really good concept of what she’s doing and, um, I’m the bank,” explains Jody.
So the “big prep!” for the show appears to revolve around Mia telling the models to walk “arrogant, arrogant, arrogant” (again, hilarious) and lots of frantic running around and searching for the right accessories.
In the midst of all of it Mia … gets her roots touched up.
“Appalling,” sighs Jody into the camera, because apparently your hair must suffer in the name of business.
Ronnie arrives at the event two hours early and she’s got none of the other RHOV with her.
“I only invited Ronnie because, um, I really don’t want the rest of the girls there,” says Jody.
Ronnie grabs a glass of wine.
“I hope she manages to stay off the sauce,” snarks Jody. Ouch. Maybe not the nicest thing to say about the “only” one of the RHOV you actually wanted at your party.
Annnnywaaaay, Mia’s models strut around and people seem to like the clothes and it’s judged to be a grand success, yay!
So as we all know by now, Mary is a singer. She’s recorded a new single in honour of her son Chase who suffers from Tubular Sclerosis.
Mary and Chase practice their acoustic duo and it’s a little bit sweet. (No, I’m not totally heartless.)
But wait! Not even charity events can happen without some drama. In the lead up to the party, some dude named Peter, who owns the restaurant hosting the bash, warns Mary that he doesn’t want Mia anywhere near any of his establishments.
Mary alleges it has something to do with Mia throwing wine bottles, Jody and Mia claim Jody was attacked at one of his places and thrown out … I guess we’ll never know. Anyway, do you think this is gonna get messy? Cause I do!
The big day arrives and everybody shows up, even Ronnie who smooches Christina on her cheeks and THEN says she has a “horrendous flu”. Christina is about as disgusted as I would be. (That’s very disgusted in case you were wondering.)
BUT! Just as Mary is about to launch into her song – Jody & Co. show up.
“I look over and I see all this fur stampeding towards us,” says one of the ladies (I think it was Christina, anyone else know who that was?).
Mary is visibly shaken by their presence – but not overly stirred. She sings her ditty and it’s lovely. Her pals get all emotional and there’s cheering and hugging and praise … from most people.
“Do I think she’s going to be a showstopper at 50 full of filler? No,” says Jody.
The love-in turns pretty sour, when Mia sees Peter eyeing her and knows it’s time to escape the venue, since she’s about to get kicked out.
“They’re just trash and I don’t want them near my restaurant,” Peter hisses. (Literally, it sounds like a hiss, am I wrong?)
The blond ones do a lot of appalled and insulted squawking and flail off into the night. Yeah … remember that pseudo truce from last week? That’s pretty much over.
“Here we go again,” sighs Ronnie.
Truer words were never spoken.
And that! My friends! Is the end … OH WAIT. Let`s give Reiko the parting shot tonight, shall we…
“Mary says she had nothing to do with,” Reiko says, sweetly, referring to the whole Mia getting kicked out incident. “Gotta take her word for it.”
And then comes my favourite close-up of the evening: Reiko reveals the funniest knowing smiley-smirk I have ever seen on TV. Classic.
Next week – sniff – is the finale. Don’t worry, it won`t be boring. I’ve seen Mia shriek “did you think it was going to end pretty!!!” in the teaser and I cannot wait to see how it all goes down.
See you then.
Stephanie McGrath is a writer whose work has appeared in the Huffington Post, the Toronto Sun, on CBC’s Definitely Not the Opera and… lots of other stuff. She loves TV and anything to do with pop culture, even though she studied some philosophy and other important things in university.