It’s over. Season 1 of RHOV exploded in a gush of white wine, “vintage” accusations and low blows and I loved every minute of it.
Now what shall we do with our Wednesday nights? Le sigh.
Let’s go over everything that happened so we can gear up for the upcoming “Reunion” episodes.
The Beginning of the End
We pick up where we left off last week – at Mary’s fundraiser, just after Mia has been thrown out by the restaurant owner.
“Turf that sequins and applique to the curb,” cackles Christina’s friend Kevin.
Back at Casa Jody – the blond ones are licking their wounds and attempting to get over the shock of being asked to leave a bash – the horror!
“I’m heartbroken. I feel sick about it,” whimpers Jody.
What does Mary say about the matter? Something pretty classic: “I never wanted that to happen at my event, but it did happen and karma is a B***”. HA!
And On to the Next Party
Just because one party ends badly, doesn’t mean the ladies will be dissuaded from prepping for another. That’s right – after weeks of lead-up Ronnie is finally ready to launch her Rehab wine with son Jhordan.
“Out of respect for Ronnie, I’m hoping to God there isn’t going to be a confrontation,” frets Reiko. Oh Reiko, haven’t you learned anything yet? Party = confrontation.
I mean Reiko, who seems to be the most mild mannered, is practically bubbling over with rage about Jody so how can this possibly turn out well?
“I was Jody’s friend, I don’t speak with them any more … she took advantage … she stepped on my face … and turned around and walked away,” Reiko huffs. (I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean ‘stepped on my face’ literally. Her face looks fine to me.)
Anyway – let’s focus on the rehab party! Ronnie and Jhordan are all tense and worked up as they scurry around trying to make sure everything is in place.
They do, of course, pull it off and everything is glamorous and full of booze – although nobody is allowed to taste Rehab until it’s “officially” tasting time.
Everyone comments on how fab the party is, this is not a surprise to Jody apparently.
“When you have pots of money behind you, the sky’s the limit,” she says.
(Oh, by the way, Ronnie’s wine label is a silhouette of her hanging from the chandelier. Seems appropriate.)
Finally it is time for the tasting. Everyone takes a sip and there is much celebration. Apparently it’s not disgusting, huzzah!
Ronnie and Jhordan each make a little speech and that’s when Jhordan has THE BEST LINE OF THE NIGHT. Seriously, it’s fantastic.
“You’re one of the best stepdads I’ve had,” he tells Ronnie’s husband Russell from the stage.
So, so, so funny.
So the wine is launched and now it’s all party-party-party all the time as Ronnie floats around (looking stunning, she’s crazy attractive, am I right?). She kisses and hugs and hugs and kisses everybody.
But the love fest isn’t going to last – oh no.
Although Ronnie wants the party to be “perfect”, Mia and Jody have other plans.
We see and hear them getting louder and louder. There’s a classic scene where Mia tells someone: “I’m a b**** and everyone knows it,” and a startled stranger replies: “We haven’t actually met yet.” Oh Mia.
And then, out of the blue (well it seems like that anyway), Jody walks up to Mary’s friend Fiona and says: “I have to tell you something, you have a lot of facial surgery and I was shocked.”
WHAT?! Who does that? Wait. It gets worse. She starts rambling on: “Oh my God your arms are quite chubby.”
Again WHAT?! Who does that?
In an interview after the fact, Jody explains the comments like so: “if you’re going to spend twenty thousand dollars putting all that s*** in your face, my God, please wear sleeves, I mean her arms look like my legs.”
Again … WHAT?!
Reiko tries to avoid the drama, until her pal Darla becomes the focus of Mia’s rage. Apparently Darla is in Jody and Mia’s bad books anyway. “I’m not a fan of Darla, she wants to be famous and rich,” explains Jody. (Pssst: I feel like you might want those things too Jody. Just saying.)
There’s some sort of an incident on the dance floor where Mia “attacks” Darla and next thing you know, the blond furry ones are making a run for the exit. But wait! Ronnie, who’s always defended them, has caught wind of the nastiness.
She shouts after Mia and Jody to try to figure out what exactly happened. And then? Mia and Jody turn on Reiko and start hissing – in front of the whole party:
“Reiko your infidelity is disgusting.”
“You cheated on your husband.”
Again … WHAT?! Who does that?!
Dining on Disaster
The party is over and Ronnie is mad. She’s done with the backstabbing and gossip. Proving she’s the queen of the group, she somehow convinces everyone to meet her for lunch even though NOBODY thinks it’s a good idea.
So … I don’t really even know what to say about the lunch other than: it was insane. I would not have wanted to be at that table. Maybe I would have enjoyed sitting nearby and watching the fireworks happen, but I’d want to be a safe distance away.
Basically, Ronnie’s strategy is to let all the ladies air their grievances against Jody and wait to see how Jody handles it. She’ll let the others launch into their tirades first, before she brings down the hammer.
“I’m going to let them all talk and bite my tongue until I see how Jody responds,” she says.
And talk they do!
It all beings right away. Mary accuses Jody of bad behaviour, Jody tells everyone: “I don’t actually want you to like me.”
Reiko brings up the troublesome “extra” charge Jody’s store put on her credit card again and Jody turns around and says: “Have you ever lied to your husband?” Whoa.
And on and on and on it goes. Oh! And here we are, back at the “second hand” fight. Jody mentions again how angry she is that Mary alleged some of the items in her store are second hand. Mary points out that Jody’s store isn’t an official Hermes boutique so there’s no way she can stock brand new bags. And that’s when Jody makes a big mistake.
“We buy them from a vintage store in Paris,” proclaims Jody. Ohhhhhhhhh. Jody.
“Then they’re second hand!” Shrieks Mary defiantly.
Oh Jody. Bad move.
And now, Ronnie has heard enough. Are you ready? The hammer is coming down.
“Mary I should have stood up and said something. Forgive me,” She says to Mary.
“Somebody at this table is going to wish to hell they never f-ing met me,” she says with quiet rage. “Somebody thought it would be a funny joke to make a fool of me and my family.”
Then she looks at Jody.
“No,” says Jody, finally understanding that Ronnie is really, really x infinity furious.
“Oh yes,” says Ronnie.
“I will never speak to you again after today,” promises Ronnie. (Um, but I bet that’s not really true either.)
Jody storms out.
“I found out Jody is the snake that everybody says she is,” explains Ronnie.
And with that! We wrap up a season. Most ladies are relieved Jody is out of the picture.
“I see us becoming even closer friends, I’m grateful for their friendship,” says Christina, “especially when most women dislike me, but their husbands certainly don’t.”
Now I can’t wait for the reunion special airing June 27 and July 4th, I bet there will be more fury and fabulous Christina quotes.
I believe our time together is over my fellow RHOV fans. I’ve enjoyed every melodramatic second of it and I hope we’ll all be together for more to come. I also hope I never meet Jody and Mia at a party because I don’t want them to tell me I have fat arms.
Stephanie McGrath is a writer whose work has appeared in the Huffington Post, the Toronto Sun, on CBC’s Definitely Not the Opera and… lots of other stuff. She loves TV and anything to do with pop culture, even though she studied some philosophy and other important things in university.