It’s my favourite day of the week: the day I revel in white wine and carbs while watching rich and beautiful Vancouver ladies fight, make up and spend money. Yes, my friends, it’s time once again for The Real Housewives of Vancouver!
Let’s get right down to the gossipy goodness:
Ominous Foreshadowing
Mary and Ronnie go for a walk and discuss Mary’s issues with Jody. Ronnie is “tired” of the drama (especially since there are parties coming up, people, and drama might ruin them!).
Mary is wary of what a future with Jody may have in store, since she trusts Jody “as far as I can throw her … obviously not far … fur coats and fake tiaras are heavy.”
Ronnie makes Mary promise to be on her best behaviour, even if her enemy is in sight. Mary makes Ronnie promise she’ll have her back if Jody gets nasty. Ronnie says “Absolutely. 100 per cent.”
(I’m betting both promises get broken.)
Raunchy Shenanigans
Jody and Christina meet up. Jody is determined to find out exactly what happened when her daughter, Mia, and Christina indulged in lots of alcohol together and spend a lot of … umm… time alone in each other’s company. Was it nothing more than innocent tipsiness and hangovers? Or did the girls get physical?
According to Christina, things got physical.
“So we had an adult sleepover, we’re two grown women. Big deal,” she shrugs.
“I don’t think they slept,” snarks Jody to the camera.
Jody says she finds the notion of Mia and Christina socializing “disgusting”, but says to Christina: “At least we got to the bottom of it.”
And THAT is when we hit my favourite line of the night:
“It’s not the only thing that I got to the bottom of.” —Christina.
Back at Casa Jody, the blond one tries to get the real story from Mia by plying her with champagne and chocolate. Luckily for Mia, Jody is easily distracted by popping corks and bubbles, and she forgets the whole thing.
“If Jody knew I was sleeping at Christina’s,” says Mia, giggle, giggle, “she’d kill me.”
Music-Maker Mary
Mary records her single in support of a charity dedicated to a rare disorder her son suffers from.
Not only does Mary record — she also gets weepy. but it’s for charity and it’s her son, so I’ll withhold any snarky comments and just say: Nice work, Mary.
Jody Bakes
Jody is making a cookbook and — WAIT FOR IT — shows tender emotion by tearing up when she speaks of her inspiration for success: her late father.
“There’s a really tender side to Jody,” Mia explains. “She guards it well; a lot of people don’t see it, but it’s there, big time.”
An aside from me: Say what you will about Jody, but her baking looks delicious, I want to eat all of it. Mmm delicious.
A Crazy Bday Party
Reiko plans an $80,000 Bollywood-themed birthday party for her husband, Sunny. Ever-tactful, she laughs, “My husband can afford it.”
The party includes elephants and a dance routine. It’s crazy elaborate. Everyone looks smashing in their saris — except for Mia, who’s wearing, for no apparent reason, a black, feathered cocktail dress.
Reiko’s feuds heat up in Bollywood. She continues to be cranky about Mary’s store allegedly overcharging her credit card by $2k. And Jody takes things to the next level by snubbing her hostess, and masking the cold war with snide comments.
About the party: Jody says, “I’ve been to many Bollywood parties … especially living in London … it was quite ‘in’ 10 or 12 years ago.”
About Reiko’s dance routine the others lavish praise on: Jody says, “She kind of was like Minnie Mouse at the beginning of a Walt Disney prefab show.”
Ouch.
Oh — and at the party, Christina has my SECOND-favourite line of the night, when she drops this little gem about Mia: “She thinks everyone’s out to get her. I’m certainly not; I’ve already had her.”
Another Party!
So … for the second time in one episode, the ladies get glammed up. This time, it’s for some swanky James Bond–themed hotel bash.
Everyone’s very excited about the champagne and sequins.
“I love going to upscale parties, [especially] after the party that Reiko threw,” sniffs Jody.
As far as I can tell, the party is a whirl of attractive men, poker, lots of drinking and Jody and Mia looking awkward. There’s a bit of Mary huffing about Ronnie needing to ditch Jody (to show loyalty to her), and Reiko avoiding Jody altogether. But overall, nothing insane happens.
The ladies throw themselves into a limo at the end of the night — well, everyone except Mia and Jody, who are getting the cold shoulder and, apparently, a separate limo home.
Feeling relaxed, like the apex of the drama might be over? THINK AGAIN! There is no peace to be had with these ladies, my friends. Wine, screeching and huffy exits from bars are all on the menu for next week. See you then!
Stephanie McGrath is a writer whose work has appeared in the Huffington Post, the Toronto Sun, on CBC’s Definitely Not the Opera and… lots of other stuff. She loves TV and anything to do with pop culture, even though she studied some philosophy and other important things in university.
