You’re sort of, kind of seeing a guy. Though you’re seeing each other rather regularly you have your eye out “just in case” there’s someone else out there. For now, this guy is fine but you’re open to being with and dating others at the same time. But is that OK? Or by spending time with other men, are you cheating on your current guy?
1. What page are you on?
Have you and your bed buddy had a chat about where you stand and where this — whatever it is — is going? If you’re both on the same page and have discussed that things are just casual with you two, then seeing other guys (whether it be flirting with them, going on dates, or sending flirtatious texts) is certainly not considered cheating. It’s fair game and just sounds like you’re single and taking care of yourself. Have fun! If and when feelings get involved, know when to cut the cord.
2. Safety first
If you are sleeping with the guy you’re seeing, and sleeping with other men on the side, it’s important to let your main man know so he can decide for himself whether he wants this arrangement to persist. The guy has a right to be kept in the loop. He may not want to “share you” or he may want to increase the protection you two are using.
If you’re thinking about hooking up with someone else (no judgments, ladies) bring it up casually. Don’t do a whole “we need to talk” build up. Instead, ask him what he thinks before you take any action. If he’s OK with it, ask him if he wants to know when and where, or if he’d rather turn a blind eye to the details? Open relationships like this are much more common than you might think. Some men like to know; others find it hurtful to hear since they’ve established a connection to you. Put the ball in his court.
3. Be in the moment
Show your main guy respect by focusing on him when you’re alone together. Yes, that’s right. Put away your cell phone, log off your Facebook and spend one-on-one time with him. If you’re seeing someone, you owe it to them to give them your undivided attention. Keep your commitments with them, don’t bail on them as soon as “another option” comes up and stay true to your word.
These sorts of arrangements work for people because – when spending time alone together – they feel like all the attention is on them. This makes that time more intense, more important and more special than the time they spend with others. If you find the need to start flirting via text with other gents as soon as your guy goes to the washroom, re-evaluate why you’re seeing him in the first place. Perhaps this need of constant attention is a weakness that needs to be worked on, not constantly covered up by a revolving door of men.